As I write this post, my 7-month-old is busy banging the frying pan on the floor, while all the toys that we so selectively bought, in an attempt to improve his developmental skills and motor skills and blah blah are lying untouched. I tried to interest him in a musical ABC device, but instead, he caught a bunch of my hair that had suddenly become undone. So, in addition to the frying pan, I have also added a mug and a steel pan cover to the mix, that he so loves to bite.
This naughty sunshine boy of mine and his toothless smile has filled all of my days in the past 7 months. But his entry into this world was anything but perfect. There are very few things in life as terrifying as hearing your doctor say that your newborn baby isn’t breathing. Instead of having those picture-perfect mother-baby skin-to-skin moments, I watched him wheeled away to special care, with my husband in tow. I saw him hours later, sleeping in an incubator with numerous pipes and cables attached to him. The maternity ward was only two floors above the special care unit, so we requested the nurse to call us anytime the baby was awake or crying. We spent the next three days traversing between the floors, day and night. By the third day, he was discharged and we spent our first night together as a family, although in the hospital. We stayed in the hospital for another 3 days as I had developed high fever and was under observation. But all’s well that ends well. This is probably the first time I am giving so much thought to our first few days in the hospital.
The immense support I received from my husband and parents in the first few months have made this transition into motherhood a bit easier and stress-free. My parents were with me until the baby turned 3.5 months old. The thought of them leaving and me managing the baby alone worried me to no end. How would I manage this fragile little life alone? But well, you gotta do what you gotta do. So I did what every millennial does in this age when faced with a problem. Google!! Youtube!! Ask questions in Mum’s group.
I found a really good video on trying to understand baby cries, differentiating his “eh” from “uh” and acting accordingly. Yes, there is such a thing. The difference in vowels indicates whether the baby is hungry or sleepy or gassy. I was doing pretty well and then I came to know that their cries change at 4 months old. So I was back to square one, trying to figure out why my baby his pulling his hair or staring at a distance.
It’s extremely fulfilling to watch him reach his milestones. The first time he recognized my face and smiled, I cried. One moment he would be sitting on the floor, and the other crawling like a lizard and trying to eat the leaves of Peace Lily plant, which are read are poisonous. They grow SO FAST. And his every developmental milestone has left me surprised and excited. The morning he turned over on his own or the time he stood holding the crib railing; I feel so happy to watch it all.
I am learning every day, figuring out his needs and what he wants to convey. My husband pitches in, in every way possible after reaching home from work, but motherhood without having a family or friends around can be very lonely at times. Video calls don’t cut it. I do miss human interactions, talking to people about everyday things. And since the weather is getting warmer, I get to go out only in the evenings when it’s not too windy. I still have a few more months left before I join the workforce.
The tug of war has begun in my heart – between the excitement of working again and the guilt of leaving my little muffin behind. Tell me how do you deal with mother’s guilt?
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How fast he’s growing, Raji! I had no idea of your early struggles with him and looking at how healthy he is no one will guess. I think Moms these days have it much harder with so many demands on their time and not much help. I’m sure you’ll figure things out as you go along. Good luck!
I love this sweet little pie. How cute he is! Now that you keep posting pictures it gets so easy to imagine all he does. Otherwise I would have pictured my girl doing it all. I was able to write about my own little one until 8 months, then it was all running around and still the same. Yes, they grow SO FAST. How much they love the kitchen. That’s one reason I bought very little toys, but the thing is she was gifted so much and it’s all sitting around in bags and bags together. Toys and kids are so much fun because you select something and they look at it like what is that? A toy, really, of sorts? I enjoy your journey Raj.
I hope the work thing will take time to settle in. All the best.
As a non-parent I cannot say much about this post, except – “LOOK AT THAT CUTE BUTTON!” ❤
Each parent I feel needs to find their flow. It is a journey that you will enjoy and even through the hard times, they will never out-weigh the good times with your kids
Parenting is a constant learning process, it’s a work in progress. We learn and unlearn in this journey pretty frequently as you have already realized. But, yes it is one hell of a journey.
Hahaha… the pans and pots vis-a-vis toys for motor/developmental skills!! AG used to play with kitchen utensils too and his favorite thing to do was throw the onions and potatoes out of their baskets.
Enjoy mommyhood, because time flies and you will not get this time back 🙂
Aaaaw, Rajlakshmi, what a gorgeous post! You reminded me of those early days with my little one. You write so beautifully. Your post is so raw, so honest.
I’m deeply sorry to hear about what you went through just after birth. I can only imagine how frightening that must have been for you and your loved ones. What a rough start.
Now that it’s all over, I can sense you breathing a huge sigh of relief followed by the tremendous gratitude bubbling up inside you for the life of your precious child. Aah, and that immense joy we feel each day when we look into the eyes of our children.
As for Mom-guilt… please don’t go there. Guilt serves no purpose. Forgiveness and Love is the way to happiness. You are longing for the company of real people and conversation and going back to work can give that to you. Happy Mom, Happy Child, Happy Family
If you get back to work and you don’t feel happy, then you can consider another choice. Choose Love and Happiness every time and all will be well with your world. Be blessed.
Everyone has their own journey! I am sure you will find your own answer. Love the pic.
Very strong 7-month-old to be banging a frying pan on the floor.
Oh! Those first few days must have been really scary. My sister also had a baby girl last year. Over a month pre-mature. She was tiny – arms & legs thin and fragile. Was in the NICU for a few days, with all those tubes and stuff, yes. For months, she would cry whenever anyone touched her arms (where the tubes went)!
My birth was equally scary apparently. Got my neck entangled in the umbilical cord, was born blue (as my Taiji told me).
Your 7mo looks really sharp and inquisitive. (Looking at his eyes.) I think he’s going to be quite a handful when he gets comfy walking. 😛 😀 #nottryingtoscareyou 😛
Your post took me back to the day my first child was born. and then to when my second one was born. The milestones, the smiles and happiness. Oh , how I miss those days!
Regarding mom guilt, it is different for everybody. It all depends on your support system. Physical, mental and emotional support systems actually. I am wary of giving parenting tips. So…