Imagine yourself in the middle of a magnificent azure sea, its surface shimmering like blue Swarovski crystals. Afar you could see a faint hint of the coast, and in the backdrop, a hazy silhouette of a mountain standing tall. You find yourself standing in a ferry, near a bunch of rocks where seals… yes seals are frolicking and basking in the sun.
And then you hear the captain roar behind you – “JUMP“. The water, on which you were writing poetry in your mind just a second ago, suddenly looks dark and devious.
This is not a dream my dear friends. This is reality. Sigh! my reality.
Last easter I found myself on a ferry to Montague Island from a quiet coastal village called Narooma. We were going to make a quick stop on the way before heading towards the island. My swimming skills are abysmal, so I have no idea what compelled me to register for snorkelling. Maybe I just assumed that we would be swimming in shallow water, near Montague Island.
So when I found myself holding the railing, staring into the blue water, my heart was ready to jump out of my mouth. I was pretty sure I was going to be a delicious fish meal in the next few minutes.
The area was right in the middle of a sea. A big massive frightening sea.
I looked incredulously at the captain.
You mean here. Right here.
Yes miss, it’s ok. Just jump.
I had already changed into a wetsuit and was wearing flippers too. Someone helped me to put on my mask. Holding the ladder I slowly descended into the water. For some weird reason my mind started chanting the only Sanskrit sloka I remember ‘ Om bhur bhuva swaha… ‘.
They say your whole life flash before your eyes when you are about to die. Well, in my case a random sanskrit sloka repeatedly flashed in my mind.
When I came upon the last ladder, the water started lapping against my chin.
You have to let go. I heard the captain say from above.
And that’s when a thing called Fear rose. My feet couldn’t find the floor as I was used to in a swimming pool. My chest constricted and I would feel the fear rise from my chest to my throat. Even my body forgot to breathe. Never estimate the fear of water.
I stuck to the ladder like my life depended in it. Well, maybe it did.
There was water everywhere, so beautiful and yet so unnerving.
I could feel the fear getting stronger with every second.
That’s when the Captain asked me to climb up and said that there’s no way he would let me snorkell. It won’t be safe for me.
My husband had already jumped into the water and I could see him leisurely swim towards the seals.
As I climbed up the ladder, I didn’t know which emotion was stronger, guilt or that nagging feeling of shame. But well atleast the views were beautiful.
And I didn’t die.
This is me trying to console myself after my snorkelling debacle. The sting of defeat hurts real bad.
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Last weekend I went to the swimming pool to practice my strokes, or the lack of it. Let’s just say that I was the slowest in the slow lane. It didn’t help that the two young girls in my lane propelled from one end to another like a machine on superfuel.
Related post : Gulp, cough, sink – my first swimming class
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Well, as a lifelong [competitive] swimmer, I find it hard to put myself into your fins. But, I can understand where you are coming from. It sounds like you are taking the right approach to eventually overcoming your fears….all the best!!!!
Beautiful shots.
I’m so sorry to hear you weren’t able to snorkel, but glad you stayed safe and are using it as motivation to become a better swimmer. I wasn’t always a strong swimmer either and it can be really nerve-wracking, especially when you’re in a situation like this one. Thanks so much for being brave and sharing your experience!
I’m sorry you couldn’t make it after all. I have a mild claustrophobia and went snorkeling in Flores, Indonesia last summer. I started to panic when I put the mask on. I thought I couldn’t breath. My husband and son were already left the beach and I struggled by myself. The only thing helped me because I kept telling myself that we flew all the way from the U.S. for this. Be brave. Keep calm. I finally made it and wanted to stay longer in the water. I hope you can make it on your next one.
Snorkeling can be intimidating especially when you have to jump in.
As a former lifeguard, I have seen this so many times. Consider going slowly at first and starting in water you can touch in. Have someone work with you to build your confidence and then move into the deeper water when you’re more comfortable.
Oh my, as i am reading this my heart was beating nervously as if I could feel your stress/nerves through each sentence. So sorry you went through this.
Most of my friends call me a “waterbaby”, as being in the ocean is my favourite place to be. However, I never really read someone explain their fear of water before. I am glad that you gave it a try however. Hopefully after a few months exercising in the pool, you might feel better/the confidence about going snorkeling. I took swimming classes from age 4, so that’s why I’ve always been comfortable in the water from my teens. All the best to you dear 🙂
The post is so well written and gripping. I can associate with every word of it. Reading you account felt as if i was also there in person doing it along with you 🙂
I might have some recommendations for you to overcome this fear. I probably am like this about diving at this point but I can easily go snorkel now. Although I’m a good swimmer I am scared of the ocean. It’s so embarrassing to see 5 year olds jump off the deck while I am still coping up my fear. Here are my tips for you – Take additional floating equipment with you in the water such as life jacket, floating noodle, or even the floating tire if needed. Ask your snorkel tour crew if they have an assisted snorkel tour. In assisted snorkel tours someone from the team takes you with a floating tire. It always help calm the nerves down when you have someone confident along with you. Even if they don’t have that program ask your husband to wait for you and to patiently take you with him since he seems to be a good swimmer. My husband has helped me a lot until I get the confidence of swimming on my own around. And finally take a deep breath, calm down and peep inside the ocean. Once you see the life underwater everything suddenly becomes so much easier. Good luck next time girl!
I counld never try doing snorkeling without my life jacket. Imagine how hard that is. These water spots have the best view underneath it. Glad you did it! you look so brave with that