These thoughts clouded my mind a few weeks back when I couldn’t get over a bad day. I had a test and I failed. I tried hard to do things that I usually love – watch KDrama, draw, read, but nothing could bring me out of my state. It was then I decided to stop trying to be happy and feel these emotions. I felt sad, disappointed, and demotivated. And no amount of camomile tea could relax me. At night, while I was trying to get my toddler ready for bed, he playfully threw his bottle at me. It landed right on my nose. Well, that did hurt. I ended up in tears as I lay on my bed, the pain and the toll of the day finally got me. I don’t know when I slept.
After many many weeks, I had a good night’s sleep. I didn’t wake up even once during the night (which happens frequently since I sleep with my toddler and he moves a lot). The next morning I was my usual self- relaxed, grateful, and even more motivated to nail the test, which I did two weeks later.
Disappointments are a part of life, but in my rush to be constantly happy and positive, I had forgotten how to deal with them.
It is important to not neglect our emotions. We can’t be happy all the time. Life happens and we should be ready to deal with it. Feeling these grey emotions and analyzing their cause is more fruitful than brushing them away with a favorite movie or music. I understand people find different ways to cope with sadness, I have done that numerous times. But that doesn’t mean we ignore feelings.
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Writing brings me a lot of joy. The poems do not represent my everyday life, just fragments from different times. Fragments from someone else’s lives. My words may not make sense all the time. 🙂 I am very much aware of that. But instead of explaining I leave it open for interpretation.
Thank you for reading. For spending your time to connect with me through these words.
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