From the hospital bed!

pregnancy birth hospital humour

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and holding a newborn for the first time is a feeling that cannot be expressed in words, BUT it’s delivering the baby that is a whole different level of messy. Don’t worry I am not here to give you second-hand pain. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have never been hospitalized before, so spending a week in the hospital was pretty interesting. Here’s looking at the funny side of life from the hospital bed.

I almost kissed the anesthesiologist when she came into the birth-room and said, “I have epidural”. They were the most cheerful words I had heard that night. I pumped into the air saying, “Yes Yes Yes“.

You have strong perineum muscles”, my lovely doctor said as she stitched me up after I pushed out the baby. Well, no one had ever complimented my perineum muscles before, so that was very flattering. I hi-fived myself in my head. Go Yoga! ๐Ÿ˜›

Here at the hospital, the midwives and the doctors explain and provide information before proceeding with an action – what they are doing, why they are doing, benefits and health risks. So when a good looking doctor came to visit me with the news that I would need blood-transfusion and explained the risks that included fever, chills and cardiac arrest, the air in my room got thick. My mother was already “matha tayking” in her mind in all the Naamghars (prayer house)of Jorhat while my husband couldn’t get past Cardiac Arrest. I, on the other hand, was like – “Oh yeah Sure!“. I mean who could refuse all that wonderful Haemoglobin without eating spinach all day long.

Have you ever asked your husband to tie your hair? And I mean long hair with a penchant for sticking in odd places. Unlike those romantic scenes where violins play in the background and the hero looks lovingly at the long tresses cascading down the heroine’s shoulder, this was far from cute. ๐Ÿ˜› I had a cannula inserted in my hand for 5 days. Combing hair with one hand was just as frustrating as it can get. My husband had the look of utter confusion and would clumsily spend a considerable amount of time tying a top-knot(!?!) and keep it fixed with an assortment of clips, hairbands, and a clutch, only to redo it an hour later. Since I was in the maternity ward, it didn’t matter much. All the women looked as exhausted as me.

No matter how much I proclaim to be an adventure seeker, my personality is not the kind that falls under the category of risk-takers. That coveted group of thrill-seekers was beyond me. Until I was in the middle of labor, and my doctor pulled out forceps, the sight of which made me see flashes of every Saw movie. The forceps are like your kitchen tongs, except they are the size of a forearm. If having forceps in my cervix doesn’t make me a risk-taker, I don’t know what will. ๐Ÿ™‚

Related Post – Postpartum Yoga and Fitness

20 thoughts on “From the hospital bed!

  1. Pregnancy and childbirth is a blessing and also difficult.It doesnโ€™t get easy later either.But its a gift thatโ€™s unimaginably beautiful .A beautifully written post which made me smile

  2. Hahaha the fact that I just read they are as big as forearms made me very thankful that my daughter was delivered via c-section. I wanted to have a natural birth but I guess things happen like it should

  3. Oh wow, this has got to be the cutest post about giving birth that Iโ€™ve ever read. Well done on those strong perineum muscles. Iโ€™m still giggling at the Go Yoga, Hi-Five and Iโ€™m sure Iโ€™ll be giggling about it for a while. THANK YOU for a refreshing post. Youโ€™re a breath of fresh air.

  4. C section for me.Forcep delivery is strictly for brave hearted.The post made me smile at your choice of words for such an immensely difficult challenge we all faced while giving birth in our own ways.Your yoga is definity a worthy contender for keeping your perineum muscles strong and healthy.

  5. Please accept my apology for reaching to your post from #WordsMatter bloghop so late.
    God bless you for two things for sureโ€ฆone for bringing a new life on Earth and second for your such a chirpy chivalrous take on the most dangerous things associated with birthing!
    Looking forward to see the motherhood journey in light vein from your pen (and definitely not pain)!

  6. Sorry you had to be in the hospital for …a week? Or, is that where you live “normal?” In my country of origin it’s a little over 24 hours, depending on how long the delivery was. Anyways, congrats with your baby, and happy for you that the delivery is over. You are young, so getting back to your normal body will happen:):) Your blog friends like to see an image of your baby:):)!!

  7. You and every one else who describes pregnancy and the birthing process continue to convince me not to have children of my own! ๐Ÿ˜› I’m glad you can look at it in a lighthearted way though!

  8. Your funny bone is strongest Girl โ€“ hats off for such a humorous post about a painful situation that women world over dread. Love your quirky style of writing and looking forward to seeing you spin funny tales of motherhood now ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. I had a smile all through. I am enjoying your humorous side Raj. You even make the mundane stuff sound hilarious and funny. Motherhood has tickled the funnybones in you. Keep the fun going. Will come back to read more such fun posts.

  10. Trust you to write something like this! Strong perineum muscles? All your muscles are stronger than The Rock Iโ€™m sure!

    Okay, now I canโ€™t get beyond the forceps things! ๐Ÿ˜

  11. This was hilarious. Your taking the humour route instead of the moping route for the painful situation has to be applauded. Gosh! you shattered my romantic idea of the man combing and tying the long tresses of the woman (in love). Will I get over my broken self? Can’t say.
    By the way, the mention of a ‘Dear One’ in my post was in no reference to my husband. There is nothing romantic about that too ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ That dear one is my sis-in-law.

  12. Thatโ€™s fun Raji. I can relate to the happiness on listening epidural. I faced the same and forceps too. Yes, I think we moms are adventurous ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. I had both my deliveries as C sections. The funny part was that I wanted a normal delivery so I suffered labour pains for 12 hours refusing epidural. This was for the first one. Finally when I stopped dilating after 6 cm., the doc asked me to go for C-section. By then I was so exhausted, I just wanted the baby out. Then they gave me epidural and all was well with the world. ๐Ÿ˜Š This was the first time around. I was discharged in 2 days. Such pain but now the memories seem faded. And yes, l was taking out all my angst on the husband. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Loved the post and your ability to smile through the toughest of situations, Raj!

  14. Heheheheheโ€ฆI LOVE YOU SO MUCH, RAJ!!
    Keep that humour alive, babe! Itโ€™s what will help you sail through everything life brings to your door step. And, pray, lend me some, too! I am in desperate need of some sense of humour ;P

  15. hehe I love that you see humor in every situation and relate it so well. I was literally screaming at S, blaming him for all my pain. Think of all expletives in Hindi and English and I must have called S that! I took epidural too and it didn’t work on me. I never understood what the concept of ‘breathe’ while pushing out was. Maybe I just didn’t understand! At one point, there were 5 people pushing M out of me. I don’t know how I did it. In fact, my perineum muscles weren’t strong I think. But yes weeks after the episiotomy, the doctor did say I healed very well and hygienically down there which made me red with embarrassment. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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