The Collective Chaos of a Shaadi Wala Ghar

The Boruah household is gearing up for the biggest event of this year – my sister’s wedding in November. Yippeeee!! Although, we had hoped for a summer wedding, as none of the womenfolk wished to wear thick woolen sweaters over carefully picked silk Mekhela Chadors. But I guess we will somehow find a way to showcase our glamour in the foggy winter mornings of Assam. Because priorities you see.

In preparation for the said event, I have started doing push-ups and hope that it would miraculously bring back a hint of the jawline, which has disappeared ever since my chin gave birth to its twin. The only way I can make my jawline appear is if I suck in my cheeks. But, apparently, people throw weird looks at you when you stand like that in the train. Travails of a round-faced girl, with a resting face that resembles someone who ate a pizza and an elephant. Since no amount of Yoga can alter genes, alas, this is a family inheritance I will have to live with.

My overtly excited Dad wants to buy us pure silk items of clothing. The moment I saw the price, my eyebrows hit the forehead. I have specifically asked my sister to not indulge in such kind of shopping for me. I am a simple girl with simple dreams. Get me a saree in color that would hide all the acne marks, and make me look young and slim. That’s all I need.

My sister groaned as soon as I said “young“. Since I am the eldest, it is the purpose of my life to look younger than both my siblings. And I know they are dreading every moment of meet and greet with the extended family, which, in the past, have ended up in conversations like “but who is the eldest?“, “… Oh, she looks so much younger than you“. I could actually imagine both of them squirming at the possibility of being at the receiving end of this conversation. Because sibling rivalry you see.

They spent nearly 2 decades calling me “chaar footiya” (4 feet something). During my growing years, while I desperately inched to reach 5’3, my sister turned into a graceful 5’6 lass, while my brother towered at around 6 feet. So this is my revenge.  Muhahahaha!!!

Since my mom didn’t get much say on the dates during my wedding, she is now bombarding my sister with her encyclopedia of ancient traditions, horoscopes and demons ready to band-bajaofying our plans if we travel on the wrong date. Both my sister and her fiance are scientists, so this debate is usually won by my Mom.

My sister had initially picked a date according to the availability of the marriage halls. The only date in the whole month when most of the halls were available was considered inauspicious according to the Assamese calendar. My mom was absolutely horrified at the possibility of doing ceremonies on that date. If possible, she would have shot them with her eyeballs. And looks like she isn’t the only mom in Jorhat going bonkers over that date. Even though mid Nov-Dec is wedding season, let me assure you, no one in Jorhat will be getting married on 19th November.

Well, I can go on and on about the chaos of our shaadi wala ghar. But for now, let me stop here. Wish you all a great week 😀