What exactly does fight like a girl mean to you?

 

Maybe the empathy for the skewed ratio of women in technology would have been a lot stronger if the college professors meted the same advice to men too – that their engineering degree would be a waste as they would end up giving up their jobs to take care of the family.

I am a small town girl. The Engineering college I went to had 8 boys hostel and 1 girls hostel. The gender ratio was abysmal, but I have met some of the smartest and strongest girls in the corridors of that hostel. Most evenings we gathered together and spoke about the latest stereotype that was thrown at us. It was such a common ‘phenomenon’ that we used to laugh at it. The one misconception that comes straight to my head was the belief that girls were only good at theoretical subjects while guys were good at practicals. This was a popular opinion even among girls. I can’t believe how ridiculously misled we were!!

Fast forward to 8 years, I was in a meeting where we were discussing if the development would be completed in two weeks. I stated my opinion and raised a concern saying due to complexities, it won’t. One of the male colleagues casually commented something in the lines of – Don’t worry, leave the job to the men. Now my manager was super awesome and he stopped the conversation right there and heard me out. But these little incidences make up the life of a girl in Technology –  these offhanded comments that are supposed to be funny. Yes, you do end up growing a thick skin and not let them kill your mojo.

I haven’t worked with a female developer for years now. There was a female tester once and that’s about it. My immediate manager is a really inspiring woman, who is a former developer. When I first started my corporate life as a Java developer in Chennai, the number of female developers were impressive. As I grew in the role and moved to different teams, the numbers dwindled. And now, after 10 years, I hardly know any female who has moved to a senior developer or architect role.  In fact, I don’t know any female architect. Some left their jobs, few moved to testing and most chose managerial roles. It does get quite lonely sometimes.

I started programming when I was 14. I used to go to a computer center after school, to complete my Diploma in Computer Application. Software Engineer is a profession I had picked for myself, so it really hurts when someone disregards or questions my love for this field. My mom was really upset when I opted for Information technology, instead of biology in grade 11. Everyone thought it was a fad that would go away. But it didn’t.

My overall experience as a woman in technology is amazing, except for that one time when I got a bad appraisal rating because I wasn’t aggressive enough. Seriously, that was the comment in my appraisal form. Not because I lacked skills or enthusiasm to work, but I wasn’t aggressive. I don’t even know what that means. I was only 4 years into this profession and already felt like I had reached my saturation point. In a way, it was the kind of push I needed. My husband and I had applied for a permanent residency in a different country. We sold everything, packed 2 suitcases and with hardly any money left in our bank accounts, started from scratch in an alien country, without any inclination to go back. My parents like always supported my decision, even though they thought we had gone cuckoo, but that’s a story for another time.

I have worked with some very respectful people who treated me like an equal and never doubted my ability to get the job done. I absolutely love my job and the challenges it brings too.

It is natural to be intimidated by people who are more knowledgeable. It makes you question your achievements. The Imposter Syndrome is a struggle that can bog down even the best. Plus, the lack of female role models or mentors in the field further impacts you psychologically. I ended up being my own cheerleader, constantly supporting/debating myself and the decisions I made because frankly, I have no one to turn to.

And this is why I fight like a girl. To change the perspective of women in the STEM… women in technology especially.

And that no professor will ask young girls to frame their degrees as a showcase, because that’s all it’s going to be used for.

women in technology

 

Check out this awesome post on Unsung women in tech

Related Post – Women Around Me

28 thoughts on “What exactly does fight like a girl mean to you?

  1. Loved every bit of this post. I have so many women who want to do something for women in STEM and who have stories of some kind of bias either in their families, college or work! Its amazing to know you never gave up on your passion and are so motivated. More power to you!

  2. Funny, I had the opposite experience. I told my professor that I was going to manage a household for my career, and he said, “What a waste!” He knew I had the potential to be a programmer or a rocket scientist or any other STEM career I wanted to go into.

    I wonder, why did I receive pressure to go into the STEM field, when you received pressure to stay out?

    To me, fighting like a girl is deciding for yourself what your dream is and not letting anyone tell you it’s wrong.

  3. Funny, I had the opposite experience. I decided to manage the household instead of bring in the family income, and when I told my professor so, his words were “What a waste!” He knew I had the potential to be a programmer or a rocket scientist, or whatever I wanted in the STEM field and he was right. But I don’t regret my decision, even though I do like to talk algorithms with my friends who are engineers and computer scientists.

Let’s keep the conversation flowing!