Constipation & Indian Toilets equals fabulous legs

Let me put you up for a challenge today and see if you can keep up with my train of thoughts.

I do not like climbing stairs behind tall guys for the fear of a head-on collision with their bum. Given that I am only 160 cm tall, the probability of that happening is a lot higher than I would like it to be, specially during peak hours at the train station.

I get tongue tied around awesome personalities. I don’t know how to sit next to them, or talk or even look them in the eye. I pretend to be dumb, stare at my phone and act like the story about  spider monkeys and pandas are the center of my existence. Maybe that’s why phones were invented, to mask the general awkwardness of small talk.

Or to save the mind from getting beffudled by a pair of flashing blue eyes. Yes, blue eyes, irrespective of gender, turns my brain into a cauliflower.

In case you are wondering about this talk on magnificent eyes, I recently finished reading a mammoth edition of Paranormal Romances. And then spent the next two days stalking accounts of Ian Somerhalder, Matt Bomer and the likes.

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How strong is your fantasy while reading a book? Do you imagine yourself as a part of the story. As the ass kicking sword weilding heroine? As the enchantress muttering spells and healing the wounded hero with just a feathery touch? Do you create scenes in your mind and enact them as well. Well, unfortunately, I do all of that. I fear I might start seeing these characters in the real world one day.

Books have made me Mental! Completely utterly mental. I undoubtedly have higher probability of suffering from schizophrenia than common cold.

Pro tip: Donot run your rich imagination  in the kitchen. Specially when a ladle dipped in hot oil is involved.

Doing handstands slightly makes up for my inability to do sword play or throw a punch or roundhouse kicks or even a normal kick.

Ever since we redecorated, I don’t have a proper place to practice Yoga. So any corner with no fragile objects in the vicinity, works well for now. 

Have you heard about the Third World squat? The posture in which my mom used to spent the whole day doing household chores, is an excellent leg workout that the trainers make you do at the gym.

Image courtesy Pixabay

I was pleasantly surprised when a friend was talking about how long they could hold that squatting position. 10 minutes to be precise. Can you sit like that for 10 minutes?

So apparently, a bout of constipation and Indian style toilets, can result in fabulous legs.

Talking about legs, here’s another pro tip: Never wear an old pair of jeans without checking the buttons. You might be extremely excited to fit into them even after so many years, but the next thing you know, you are in the bathroom, trying to find the button that broke free and flew into some unreachable corner leaving you with a well fitted jeans, unbuttoned and fly open.

Accidents happen and these are the ones that no one tells you about. 😆

 

 

Related post: When you are clumsy AF

14 thoughts on “Constipation & Indian Toilets equals fabulous legs

  1. Such a hilarious post, Rajlakshmi! And that asana—What an apt name!(If you know what ‘mal’ in Hindi means you’d know why why they named the squatting posture is perfect for our Indian toilets!) I do imagine but clearly, ghost stories aren’t my cup of tea. And you- do keep up the super entertaining posts as always!

  2. I dropped by here because I needed a laugh and sure enough you never disappoint. To answer some of your questions – Yes I imagine the book in enormous detail which is why I hate it when I have to snap out of a good one.
    That squat! I have no clue how people managed to spend entire days sitting like that. I remember my nana used to be so comfortable just squatting while I end up collapsing backward and the legs are screaming out in pain, oh and the poor poor knees.

  3. Me, too….in most of the cases!
    I too get tongue-tied most often and would much rather just listen from behind someone standing in front of me. I too have a vivid imagination and can think about anything – like you have done here in the post. One little thing, and I go on my imaginary trips, visualising all sorts of scenarios.

    I can do the squat for some time, maybe a few minutes, like I used to when bathing Chikoo. But, my knee hurts these days..:(

    Great pose there, Raj! How I wish I could do it, too!

  4. This was a fun read. You are a brave fellow to indulge in paranormal romances. For me, anything paranormal is meant to be kept at a bay of 1000s of kms 😀 But I am intrigued about romances between ghosts and spirits. Are both the parties ghosts or one of them a ghost and another one human? If you don’t tell me I will never be able to find out.
    Short heighted! I think I understand what you are talking about since I am even less than 160 cm.
    Squatting is a pain for my weak knees and I don’t do full squats (only partial and that too not often). Malasana or squating, not for me.

  5. This was a super fun read. To answer your question, yes I have a very vivid imagination, which is why I resolutely stay away from reading horror, because the last thing I want is to deal with ghosts & zombies in my every day life.

    Oh and phones were definitely invented to avoid awkward small talk. I use it for that purpose more often than I use it make calls or send texts.

  6. Hahaha… before this I’d never imagined the finer challenges of being a short person! Banging into the bum of a tall guy climbing the train ahead of you sounds so funny. I actually imagined it!

  7. I really enjoyed this. The handstand picture was pretty amazing. I’m too old to try that, but there are other feets… feats… that I could attempt. I try to use my imagination all of the time, and try not to make it scary. 😀

  8. Hilarious! 🙂 The handstand pic looks impressive. As for being 160cms, that’s Ok. I’m only 165cms and, as my even shorter mother has always said, “Good things come in small packages. Thanks for the laughs 🙂

  9. Ha ha! Well, I also imagine a lot but I think your game is a totally on a different and higher level.
    The squat is called maal-asana and every time I do that in a class I think really? This is an asana?

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