From Princess to Phlegm

I am always running late to catch the bus early morning. Blame it on late night blogging or my Liril style showering, but just 5 minutes before the arrival time, I would be applying my eyeliner. Now this is a process that you cannot rush, you might end up resembling the ghost from Grudge. But then there are days, absolute crappy days when you have just finished applying a perfect winged line but almost immediately a violent sneeze escapes your nostrils. Since I have small eyes, the eyeliner kinda reaches my eyebrows and temples and gently flows down my cheeks. In the mirror is a raccoon staring back. Needless to say, I miss the bus and have to walk to the train station because my husband is lying on the floor, breathless from laughing his a$$ off.


 While traveling in the train, I sit next to all kinds of people. There was a girl licking her elbows, a guy digging gold in this nose, another girl sitting so close that her hair was in my armpits… well you got the drift. But sometimes I get to sit next to handsome dudes with jawline so sharp that it would give you a paper-cut. There was one such day, when I sat next to this Adonis like guy. Sharp clothing and eyes so blue! The doors had closed and the train had just started when I felt a terrible itch in my nose. That, my friend, was the indication of what kind of embarrassment lay in front of me. You see I am allergic to dust and anything that tickles my nose results in sneezes of highest order. In 2.5 seconds I turned from a tip-top Princess to Phlegm covered creature. I was running out of tissue papers. This tiny nose was producing mucus at a rate of ten-thousand disgusts per second. My nose was covered in 10 napkins. Partly to prevent any other dust particle from entering and partly to hide my face so that he never remembers the ‘phlegm’ girl. You cannot imagine the relief when the guy finally got up to alight at his stop. 
Ever seen those people in public transport who cough so hard that they are about to spill their guts on the floor. Winters make me one such person. I keep a bunch of Strepsils in my bag for those auspicious occasions. But since I am always running out of my luck, it so happened that I was seized by a terrible itchy throat in a train so crowded that I had to stand on my toes. If I cough, I would be spitting on atleast 10 people. I was trying to control it and let out a small uukhu ukkhu. Immediately I was met with glares that kinda stopped the itch right in the throat. But you know how these itchy coughs are, the more you try to subdue, the more violent they become. I fervently ran my hand in the bag to find just one Lozenges left. The next half an hour was peaceful but as soon as the last drop of Strepsils dissolved in my mouth, the itch returned. And what followed was another twenty minutes of ear popping cough. I think I gave birth to my kidney that day.
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24 thoughts on “From Princess to Phlegm

  1. Oh this is crazy funny Raj and the eyeliner thingy – well mine never dries or rather takes toooooo long and then guess what. Hyper active me sit still for as long without moving my eyelids but then I just have to and phisssssh I have parallel eyebrows…… I swear eyeliner is so much grief and was made by some devil wearing prads…. 😉

  2. Ha ha! Really the eyeliner – you take only 5 minutes? I stopped doing any eye make up because I do not have the patience of doing it right every time. couldn't stop laughing at your descriptions Rajlakshmi, You really know how to use a coughing train journey well!

  3. I had similar issues in Bangalore, so desperately wanted to leave the city, and I did!

    Though the post is funny, but if the problem is serious, better to work on the solution. Once you get allergic to the climate, it kind of kills you slowly.

  4. hehehe You are crazy, Raj. First the eyeliner and then the sneezing and coughing. Ooh that handsome guy, how truly terrible that you turned into a sneeze machine just then. Never mind there will be another time. 🙂

  5. Raccoon staring back – that would be a scary sight 🙂
    I wonder if Strepsils really stems the problem.
    As for sneezing, I don't think anyone can beat my wife when it comes to the decibel level !!

  6. Hahahahaha.. now there is a measure for mucus production- 10000 disgusts per second! Couldn't stop laughing but also couldn't stop nodding my head. I too have cold and cough often and yes those sneezes and coughs when I am right in the middle of doing something important really irritates me!

  7. Haha. Eye liner in five minutes :O
    I take forever in applying it. But that was my case with wearing contacts in half minute and rubbing my eyes during next 15 minutes while traveling to work!
    Melting nose thing really made me laugh aloud although I can think of the struggle you were going through!

  8. That's queerest blog post title ever. And the post more than lived up to the promise. I wish the Husband would take a break from laughing click a few shots when the liner goes haywire. Just saying..

  9. You have no idea how many ROFLMAO breaks I took in between coming back to read this post! HILARIOUS descriptions all, and I so love how you can laugh at yourself, makes us love you even more!

    My favourite line has to be, This tiny nose was producing mucus at a rate of ten-thousand disgusts per second. and the eyeliner-applying graphic! :))))) Bang on!:)))))

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