Hey there, for a change I am talking something sensible today … maybe.
It all started with a joke forwarded as WhatsApp message, about a women who treated her Mother and Mother-in-law differently (Seems a lot of controversial topics are triggered by whatsapp messages these days). This further lead to an interesting discussion during lunch-break between few guys of my team and I.
I told them that a girl would call and talk to her MIL just like she calls her own family or at least make an effort to connect with her once in a while. But I have never seen a guy calling his wife’s parents on his own. Of course he would speak to them if she calls and hands over the phone. But never willingly will he dial their number unless situations arise.
To which, surprisingly, all the guys agreed. And they belong to three different Asian nationalities. They think it’s pretty normal for a guy not to call his father-in-law and chat up, unless he is a Goldsmith or the owner of Dan Murphy’s 😛
To be frank, I have given my husband a lot of grief about not calling my parents. (He would though, after a hundred reminders). But now that I have seen at least 5 other guys doing the same, I wonder what exactly is different. Is it culture or upbringing or just their skewed DNA? Why they are so ‘weirded’ by the thought of talking to their Mother-in-law?
And this train of thought leads to further questions on how easily the duty of maintaining relationship between families falls on the girl!!
What do you think?
See, if it wasn't forced upon you, would you call your in-laws? I wouldn't. Not because they are bad people or anything, it is just very boring to talk about weather and food and the works!
The boys have it easy since it is not mandatory for them. I don't force my husband. He calls my family on special occasions like birthdays, Diwali, New Years. I would be ok if he doesn't. We all should have the freedom to talk to whoever we want and whenever we want. It should happen for love and nothing else.
Never once did I put a thought into this though I've seen it so commonly. I'd assumed they were all exceptions rather than examples. I suppose it is just their 'skewed DNAs'… :p , I don't seem to understand why otherwise.
Sons don't call heir parents-in- law…. that was always there. I have also noticed a girl's parents -in-law never calling up girl's parents. It is always the other way round.
Obviously sons will behave that way na?
Very interesting observation and question, Raj. As a matter of fact, it is not normally done. My husband though has called up my father a few times. And reading all the comments l feel he may be an odd one out though not as often as l do. Clearly maintaining family relationships falls on the shoulders of women.
Very interesting observation and question, Raj. As a matter of fact, it is not normally done. My husband though has called up my father a few times. And reading all the comments l feel he may be an odd one out though not as often as l do. Clearly maintaining family relationships falls on the shoulders of women.
My culture created an artificial situation where you do have to call your inlaws. As a man, if there are issues in your marriage that require advice or even intervention, your first port of call are your inlaws. Basically, their job is to be your advocate in your marriage. The same applies to a woman – chat to your mother-in-law first before you go tell your mom, because telling your parents means that the inlaws failed you. In theory, that means you have to cultivate a relationship with your inlaws so that they understand you, your needs and wants.
Obviously, the human element comes into play, where maybe you're not comfortable calling them out of the blue. Or maybe, you have evidence to show they didn't particularly like you when getting married, so you don't trust them to be your advocate. Or you've adopted modern culture and don't want to be that close to your inlaws.
My husband has willfully called them only when I was ill. That time we were not on talking terms. I was dying with pain and all I had wished was to see my parents. But I never told him that. Apart from that call, I don't remember him calling them up ever. It's always me handing over the phone or they themselves calling him. But I also don't call my MIL regularly. Just once or twice in a month or so to check on them. It is always she who calls me. I guess that's why I don't need to do that myself. But there's definitely something about boys not calling their in-laws. Even I have wondered about it.
My husband has willfully called them only when I was ill. That time we were not on talking terms. I was dying with pain and all I had wished was to see my parents. But I never told him that. Apart from that call, I don't remember him calling them up ever. It's always me handing over the phone or they themselves calling him. But I also don't call my MIL regularly. Just once or twice in a month or so to check on them. It is always she who calls me. I guess that's why I don't need to do that myself. But there's definitely something about boys not calling their in-laws. Even I have wondered about it.
Same story at my end too. He talks if I hand him the phone or sometimes when I talk he asks for the phone to talk with my mom. But never had he called just like that to talk other than when I was in the labor room. 🙂 Earlier even I never used to call his parents on my own, but now I have started to do it. I think I have a better relation with his mom than he has. I think girls are just nicer and politer than guys. 😉
The responsibility lies with the girl, I agree. Cal doesn't call my parents often, but he does when necessary. I don't talk to his parents often either. Only when the need arises. This arrangement works for us 🙂
So, VT and I call up parents on both the sides once a week together. I am connected with my Mum on whatsapp and VT's family gives quick calls when they want to share something. But you are right, the responsibility to connect the family is the girl's.
Very, very pertinent point Raj… My husband also is the same.. I have fought with him on the same issue but this guy is incorrigible.. He'll tslk if they call or if I hand the phone to him but not otherwise.. As you say, the burden falls on women.. It's unfair and makes me angry..