Her chapped palms smell of
-ungrateful jasmine-
roughened by shrewd plays of world.
-ungrateful jasmine-
roughened by shrewd plays of world.
And in the creases of
– youthful forehead-
sleeps an orphaned childhood, old
among distasteful leering,
ineffectual rags of
-modesty cries-
unfortunate beauty trapped among
unfortunate beauty trapped among
-lechers-
pawn broker and hawker alike
pawn broker and hawker alike
-Nobody’s Child –
gazes high up , at the
gazes high up , at the
S
K
Y
S
C
R
A
P
E
R
S ,
elegant unreachable stairs
winding beyond clouds yonder.
S L O W L Y sighing,
At the dreams hidden, on the dark side of
half bitten moon.
half bitten moon.
effective treatment of the subject,unique style
Really striking poem. I like the half bitten moon image, and the tall skyscraper. It seems to me you have caught in words a bright sliver (like the moon) illuminating the world of an orphan.
Strong and vivid portrayal of stark reality ! Gr8 write RAJLAKSHMI :_)
Some very lovely word images like half bitten moon
a solid and beautiful piece.
thanks for sharing.
a solid and beautiful piece.
thanks for sharing.
This was beautiful , well expressed I'm speechless…..
Lovely…
if only someone from those elegant stairs will come down and lend a helping hand to the one who needs it so desperately.
Yikes! Awesome, thank you.
ZQ
This reminded me how sad it is that most of us lose our childhood far too early. Very sad, but most beautifully written.
beautiful.
beautiful.
Excellent poem
The flow of poetry was as if " a person bit walking and getting reminded of getting late and running a lil " kind of…
some how I felt it so much interesting indeed dear…Thanks for share…
An interesting piece that clearly tries to push out messages and meaning to the reader (perhaps a little too much).
cheers 🙂
this is excellent and your open really sets the mood all the way to the powerful ending so well penned
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/20/taken-from-me-on-halloween-night/
Orphaned childhood… such a sad sound to it.
Interesting structure and use of enjambment.
Here is my entry:
http://jackedwardspoetry.blogspot.com/2011/10/this-is-my-mug.html
Very interesting! And perhaps the most uniquely structured poems I've read here… nicely done 🙂
Fascinating wordplay – quite effectual. Thank you!
love this, so creative and beautiful
sadness!
"Ungrateful jasmine" really stuck with me – perhaps it's the oddness of seeing a flower (or fragrance) as ungrateful.
Anyway, this is a sad and powerful poem about a child of the streets and what she's had to do to survive. Well written.
I had to read this a couple of times. I like the visuals you use and the way you pack this so full of… of what? Of emotion, I suppose. (Pardon me, words fail me sometimes. Or I fail them. Whichever.)
The very first stanza is awesome! Gives a really solid start. The experiments with structure makes sense. Though, I'm not sure about hyphenated phrases. Any particular reason?
Very nicely done! Evoking a lot of emtion. Blessings, Terri
Excellent poem–most unusual and creative word use, and vivid imagery. Liked it very much.
I really liked 'half bitten moon' great imagery.
Half bitten moon is a good description.
beautiful,
your creative way of expression is impressive.
I absolutely love the way this is written, it packs a powerful punch.
wow you really set the tone in this..we are resonating a bit with the prose i just posted…i feel for this child lost under the largeness of the world….nice textures to this…
I liked the 'orphaned childhood, old' part – interesting description to counter-balance the 'youthful forehead' part.
Nice vertical "SKYSCRAPERS" too!